Blackness gentry

宇宙大土豆。

Valerie's Letter From 『V for Vendetta』

漫步在明湖:




I know there's no way I can convince you this is not one of their tricks, but I don't care.I am me.My name is Valerie.I don't think I'll live much longer,and I wanted to tell someone about my life.This is the only autobiography that I will ever write and, God I'm writing it on toilet paper. 
   
I was born in Nottingham in 1985.I don't remember much of those early years,but I do remember the rain.My grandmother owned a farm in Tottle Brook and she used to tell me that God was in the rain.I passed my 11 Plus and went to girls' grammar.It was at school that I met my first girlfriend.Her name was Sarah.It was her wrists.They were beautiful.I thought we would love each other forever.I remember our teacher telling us that it was an adolescent phase that people outgrew.Sarah did.I didn't.In 2002, I fell in love with a girl named Christina.That year I came out to my parents.I couldn't have done it without Chris holding my hand.My father wouldn't look at me.He told me to go and never come back.My mother said nothing.But I'd only told them the truth.Was that so selfish?Our integrity sells for so little,but it is all we really have.It is the very last inch of us.But within that inch we are free. 
     
I'd always known what I wanted to do with my life and in 2015 I starred in my first film,The Salt Flats.It was the most important role of my life.Not because of my career but because that was how I met Ruth.The first time we kissed, I knew I never wanted to kiss any other lips but hers again.We moved to a small flat in London together.She grew Scarlet Carsons for me in our window box and our place always smelt of roses. 
   
Those were the best years of my life.But America's war grew worse and worse,and eventually came to London.After that, there were no roses anymore.Not for anyone.I remember how the meaning of words began to change.How unfamiliar words like "collateral" and "rendition" became frightening while things like "Norsefire" and the "Articles of Allegiance" became powerful.I remember how "different" became dangerous. 
   
I still don't understand it why they hate us so much.They took Ruth while she was out buying food. I've never cried so hard in my life.It wasn't long till they came for me. 
   
It seems strange that my life should end in such a terrible place.But for three years,I had roses and apologized to no one.I shall die here.Every inch of me shall perish.Every inch...but one.An inch.It is small, and it is fragile,and it is the only thing in the world worth having.We must never lose it or give it away.We must never let them take it from us.I hope that, whoever you are,you escape this place.I hope that the world turns and that things get better.But what I hope most of all is that you understand what I mean when I tell you that even though I do not know you and even though I may never meet you laugh with you, cry with you or kiss you,I love you.With all my heart I love you. 
   
                                                                                ——Valerie
   
   
   我知道不能说服你去相信这不是秘密警察的又一个把戏,但是我不在意。我就是我,我的名字是Valerie,我不认为自己还能活很久了,但我希望能把一生的故事告诉别人,这是我写过的唯一自传,上帝阿,竟写在草纸上。 
   我与1985年出生在诺丁汉,我不太记得小时候的事情了,不过却记得那里的雨。我的祖母在托德布鲁克有间农场,她曾经告诉我上帝就在雨中。11岁多的时候我去了女校,在那里遇到了我第一个女朋友,她的名字是Sarah,她的手腕,使那么的美丽,我以为我们会相爱到永远。记得我们的老师说这只是青春期的一个阶段而已,对Sarah来说是的,但对我却不是。2002年,我与Christina相爱了,那一年我们告诉了我父母.如果不是Chris握着我的手,我永远不会有勇气那么做。我的父亲厌恶到不愿意看我,他要我滚出家门再不要回来,母亲则保持了沉默。但是我仅仅是告诉他们真相,难道这就那么自私吗?我们的正直诚实并不值钱,但却是我们的所有一切,那是我们最后的一英寸,在这一英寸中,我们是自由的。 
   我向来知道自己的目标在何方,2015年,我主演了第一部电影。那是我生命中最重要的角色,不是因为对我演艺事业的帮助,而是因为通过这个角色,我遇到了Ruth。我们第一次接吻时我就知道,我这一生再也不想亲吻其他的人。我们搬到伦敦的一个小公寓里面,Ruth在窗台上种植猩红卡尔森,整个屋子永远都溢满花香,那是我生命中最好的日子。但是美国内战愈演愈烈,最终战火烧到了伦敦,之后,我们再也不能种植玫瑰了,谁也不能,我还记得话语的意义在变化,那些陌生的词语“株连”“引申”变得可怕起来,而“斯堪的纳维亚族之火”和“效忠宣言”这样的词变得强大无比,我记得“不同”变得危险,我始终不能明白为什么他们这么恨我们。Ruth出去买食物的时候他们抓走了她,我从没有哭的这么厉害过,我知道离他们抓走我也不远了。 
   我的生命会在这么糟糕的地方结束真是奇怪,但是在生命中的三年里,我拥有过玫瑰且问心无愧。我会死在这里,我的每一英寸都回腐烂,每一英寸……只剩一英寸。这一英寸,它渺小,脆弱,但却是世界上唯一值得拥有的一英寸,我们绝不能放弃或者背叛它,我们绝不能让人把这一英寸都夺走。我希望,无论你是谁,你能逃离这里,我希望,这个世界已经改变而形势已经好转,但我最大的希望,是你能明白:当我说,“我爱你”时的意义,我不知道你是谁,也未曾与你共度时光,共享欢笑泪水或亲吻,可我却爱你,全心全意地爱你。 
     
                                                                                        ——瓦洛丽

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  1. Blackness gentry漫步在明湖 转载了此文字